Sometimes I have trouble keeping my pants on.

And sometimes I can’t get my shirt off fast enough.

I should explain, before the good wife files for one of  these.


When you’re cheap a super thrifty shopper, sometimes you scan the clearance racks at stores that weren’t high-end to begin with. And when you find a pair of surprisingly stylish jeans for $5, you buy ’em with glee. Glee, good sirs and madams, until you find that they give you an unfortunate head start when you go to pee.

You know how zippers are designed to lock in position when the little metal tab is down? It seems not all of them are built with that feature. And by “not all of them,” I’m pretty confident in saying, “none of them that you purchased for 5 bucks on the Ross clearance rack” – even if the tag claims that you should compare them at $42.95 at other fine retail establishments.

Not wanting to throw out said sassy jeans, yet also not one to want to let coworkers get a glimpse of Ursa Major, what’s a feller to do?

Here’s a trick to help you keep on stylin’. Put a smallish key ring through the eye-hole on the tab of said zipper. Even the cheap ones have those. And when you pull up the zipper, loop the key ring over the pants button before you button them closed. I found this tip while diagnosing the problem on the Wide World of Web, and it’s ingenious. The only downside is, for guys, there’s no taking care of your, um, light-duty bathroom visits without unbuttoning before downzipping. Not really that big of a deal IMO.


When you’re cheap super thrifty, you also tend to wear shirts until they’re either (A) hopelessly out of style, or (B) stained to the point of outright disgrace. You can ask my friend Casie if Option A has stopped me from wearing my Hilfiger polo shirt with the stars on it. (Spoiler: No. It hasn’t.) Option B, however, is a deal-killer.

As a result, someone who’s cheap super thrifty tends to go Code Red when a little Malbec gets on his prized white Standard Deluxe tee, even if it was an accident by a friend’s little boy who was trying to be a good waiter by topping off the glass. I know that scenario sounds oddly specific, but it’s actually not as specific as the cure for a red wine stain that worked wonderfully — or would have, if that event ever happened.

Anyway, off goes the shirt, and on goes a paste of cream of tartar and water. Just apply the paste to the stain, but don’t rub it in. Let it sit a spell, wipe it off and wash the shirt. Pulls that stain out like a champeen, I tell ya’. (Which is funny, as cream of tartar is a byproduct of making wine to start with.)

I should note that we’ve also tried the table salt absorption method with success, too. You can find those methods and several others we haven’t tried over on InnovateUs.

Point is, you don’t have to let wine stains stop you from wearing this shirt.

And also, I should drink less wine.

And also, I should spill less wine.

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